Miscarriage Support: You Don’t Have to Go Through It Alone

Miscarriage is far more common than many people realize; one in four known pregnancies ends in this difficult loss.

Yet, despite such frequency, the path of miscarriage can feel lonely and isolating. For those who face it, miscarriage may feel like a “disenfranchised grief” — a profound loss not always recognized or understood by society.

As a certified nurse-midwife, I see the deep emotional, physical, and spiritual impact miscarriage can have. It’s an experience I’ve walked through myself. Here, I want to offer some miscarriage support and resources to help navigate this complicated time.

The Emotional Impact of Miscarriage

No two experiences of miscarriage are exactly alike, but many women experience some combination of the feelings below. Accepting and processing these emotions is an essential part of healing, and understanding them can help you navigate this challenging time.

Grief

The moment you learn you’re pregnant, you begin envisioning life with your child, perhaps choosing names, buying baby clothes, and/or sharing the news with loved ones. When that future suddenly disappears, the grief can be overwhelming.

Shock

Whether it’s your first pregnancy or your third, no one expects a miscarriage. Many women experience an element of shock in learning that they won’t get to know their baby.

Guilt

Feelings of failure or self-blame can plague women after a miscarriage. Questions swirl: Did I do something wrong? Was it my fault? What could I have done differently?

Emptiness

Where once you envisioned holding your baby, you may experience a physical and emotional void that’s difficult to articulate.

Loneliness

If you don’t know anyone who’s experienced a miscarriage, you may feel isolated and lonely after your loss. Talking with someone who’s been through a similar experience can be helpful, but even then, no one has envisioned your baby like you have. Even your partner may grieve differently, adding another layer of isolation. Having actually carried your baby, you may feel the loss more acutely, and that difference in experience can be challenging to navigate.

To compound matters, society doesn’t always have a clear response to women who experience miscarriage. While people somewhat understand the loss of a parent or spouse, they may not know how to respond to the loss of a pregnancy.

Anxiety

Many women struggle with a loss of trust in their bodies after a miscarriage, often fearing what a miscarriage might mean for future pregnancies.

Jealousy

Though sometimes difficult to admit, struggles with jealousy aren’t uncommon after a miscarriage. Attending baby showers or celebrating a new birth may feel difficult or overwhelming. If you were pregnant at the same time as a friend or family member, you may wonder why they get to have a healthy pregnancy when you didn’t.

Miscarriage Support: Caring for Yourself After Loss

Give Yourself Permission to Feel

One of the most important ways to support yourself after a miscarriage is to remember that the emotions you’re experiencing are valid, and it’s okay to let them surface. Grief doesn’t follow a schedule, and feelings may ebb and flow for months or even years. Recognize that you’ll move through the stages of grief — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance — in your own time as you process your loss.

Nurture Your Body

Even if your pregnancy was brief, your body still underwent significant changes. Similar to postpartum recovery, it’s vital to care for yourself physically in this time:

• Rest as much as you need.
• Eat nourishing foods and stay hydrated.
• Allow your body time to heal; don’t feel pressured to jump back into your regular routine.

In my observation, most employers understand if you need time off after a miscarriage — don’t hesitate to ask.

Connect With Trusted People

It’s helpful to identify one to two close friends or family members who can truly listen to you without trying to “fix” things. Well-meaning friends and family may want to help by offering solutions or reassurance, but the greatest support often comes from someone who can sit with you in your grief without trying to make it better.

Remembering Your Baby

There’s no right or wrong way to remember and honor your baby, and you should feel free to do what feels right for you. Some people want to do something right away, while others need months before they feel ready. Neither is better or worse.

Here are some examples of ways families sometimes choose to remember their babies:

• Name your baby and engrave their name on something meaningful, like a piece of jewelry.
• Write a letter to your baby and/or journal about your experience.
• Create a memory box with ultrasound photos, your positive pregnancy test, and other items from your pregnancy, like a little onesie or toy you received.
• Plant a tree or flowers in your baby’s memory, giving you a living tribute to visit and tend.
• Craft something special to keep your baby’s memory close. My husband and I built a commemorative picnic table engraved with our babies’ names.

Miscarriage Support: Seeking Additional Care

When you’re ready, connecting with others who’ve experienced a similar loss can be incredibly healing. Miscarriage support groups can help reduce feelings of isolation and provide a safe space to share your story or simply listen to others. Some of these groups even organize special ceremonies or activities to help remember babies together.

If a group setting feels overwhelming or out of reach, working with a therapist specializing in pregnancy loss can provide a more private, personalized experience. Ready Nest Counseling is a local resource we love here in the Nashville area that offers compassionate, specialized support for miscarriage, including virtual appointments for those in other areas.

You Are Not Alone

Miscarriage can feel isolating, but you don’t have to walk through it alone.

Remember, seeking support after a miscarriage isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a testament to your love for your baby and your commitment to healing. Whether you lost your baby recently or some time ago, your feelings are valid, your grief matters, and you deserve support on this journey.