How to Prepare for Labor Mentally and Emotionally

If you’re pregnant and starting to think about birth, you might be feeling excited… but also overwhelmed, uncertain, or even a little scared.

As a certified nurse-midwife, I meet women experiencing the full gamut of emotions surrounding birth in every stage. One of the most empowering things I see moms do in this time is learn how to prepare for labor in a way that makes sense to you, your values, and your birth hopes.

Birth is a big, transformational experience — but it’s also a normal, physiological part of a woman’s life. Just like your period or menopause, it’s something your body was made to do. And the more you understand it, the less fear it holds.

Let’s talk about how to prepare for labor, not from a place of fear, but from a place of confidence and peace.

Why Preparing for Labor Matters

In our culture, just about everyone carries a foundational understanding about birth, whether they realize it or not. Much of it stems from movies, TV shows, or stories shared by others, many of which contain subtle (or not-so-subtle) messages telling us that birth is a terrifying and unbearable experience.

Fear is such a powerful force, and unfortunately, it’s woven deeply into the mainstream language around childbirth. But birth doesn’t have to be scary.

Childbirth is a part of a woman’s normal life process. Your body was made to do this. And when you understand what’s happening in your body, it becomes less mysterious — and less fear-inducing.

When you prepare for labor, you get to make informed decisions that support your values and preferences. You learn what you can do to help yourself through the process. You discover you actually have tools and options; you aren’t just at the mercy of your body.

Then, when the day arrives and you feel those intense birth sensations, you don’t panic — because you prepared for this. You know what’s happening, why your body is doing what it’s doing, and what strategies can help manage the discomfort.

Build Your Birthing Framework

I have a deep desire that every mom would have the knowledge she needs to make birthing decisions based on accurate information and what’s right for her. Whether that’s a home birth, a hospital birth, or even a scheduled cesarean, what matters to me is that moms get to make that choice from a place of understanding, not fear.

Birth is already a vulnerable time for women, and too often, our culture frightens us into handing over all decision-making in the process. Learning how to prepare for labor allows you to thoroughly explore your options, consider what you want and don’t want, and think through possible scenarios ahead of time rather than in the heat of the moment.

Preparation means you get to be an active participant in the process — not just someone labor happens to.

While no one can control every detail, preparing for labor means you’ll enter the process from a place of strength because you’ve built a framework for navigating labor with confidence.

How to Prepare for Labor in Mind and Heart

There are so many ways to prepare for labor, but some of the most important work is internal. Here are a few practical ways I suggest:

Take a Childbirth Class

Especially if it’s your first baby or first unmedicated birth, a childbirth class helps you understand what to expect physically and emotionally.

Much of the learning in childbirth classes will be especially useful for your husband or birthing support partner. It’s helpful for you, too, but during labor your top priority will be focusing on surrendering, releasing, and allowing your body to work through the process. There’s not a lot of room for thinking through “okay, which stage am I in now?” or doing dilation math when you get fully into that primal headspace.

While the experience will be emotional for your partner, too, they’ll be able to retain a more objective perspective, identifying the different stages of labor from your emotional and physical signals and offering support based on what they’ve learned.

Read Helpful Books

Learning about the stages of labor, the hormones involved, and what physiologic birth looks like can be helpful and empowering for both mom and dad. Understanding these basics gives you confidence in what your body is designed to do. (See below for my book recommendations.)

Reading birth stories about the type of birth you’re interested in having can give you important insights and confidence in your choice.

Reframe Your Language and Mindset

Pay attention to how you talk about birth. Instead of calling contractions “painful,” try “intense.” Instead of “hard,” try “challenging.” These small shifts in language can actually change how you experience labor.

Practice positive self-talk and consider exploring hypnobirthing techniques. These tools help you work with your body rather than against it.

Protect Your Mental Space

You don’t need the world’s permission for the choices you make in birthing, but you and your husband need to be on the same page. I often advise my clients to be careful about who you share what with.

Well-meaning loved ones can throw a lot of noise your way. But you don’t need your grandmother’s permission to birth at home, or your aunt’s, or even your mom’s. You and your partner need to be unified, and that’s what matters.

Create a bubble against incessant questions or traumatic birth stories. You can tell people, “I’m protecting my mental space and prefer not to hear difficult birth stories during this time” or ”not until after I’ve birthed.”

Learn Helpful Support Techniques

This one is especially for Dad.

When mom is in active labor, she doesn’t need someone asking her a bunch of questions. She needs gentle direction.

Instead of “Do you need to go to the bathroom?” or “Are you thirsty?” I suggest something more direct: “Hey, let’s get up and use the bathroom. It’s been a while,” or putting a straw on her lips and encouraging her to take a sip.

If mom doesn’t want or need those things, she’ll say no. It doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. It just means you gave her the opportunity to respond rather than decide, and she gets to stay in her more primal right brain than have to shift to her reasoning left brain.

Be Honest About Your Fears

Don’t be afraid to be honest about any fears you have. Saying your fears out loud won’t make them come true. If anything, keeping them in is worse.

Choose a safe person — whether that’s your husband, midwife, mother, sister, or a trusted friend — with whom you can open up and talk through anything that’s scary or overwhelming.

Looking at fears honestly doesn’t bring them to life. It shines light on them and often helps dispel them.

Relax and Release

Read the books and learn, yes, but at some point you’ll need to stop the education and drop into your body. Your job isn’t to control birth; it’s to allow it. Surrender means getting out of your head and into your body. Art, nature, dance, laughter, rest — anything that helps you move into your intuitive, right-brain self is a good thing.

As Ina May Gaskin once said, “Let your monkey do it.” Monkeys don’t do math. They just surrender during the process. Instead of counting contractions, you’ll be present in your body, doing the next thing. And that’s where you need to be.

Resources on How to Prepare for Labor

There’s no one “right” way to prepare for labor, but here are some of the resources we really love at Haven:

Books

• Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin
• The First Forty Days by Heng Ou, et al.
• The Fourth Trimester by Kimberly Ann Johnson
• *Birthing from Within* by Pam England and Rob Horowitz

Classes

• Haven’s prepared classes
• Be Birthwise
• Christian Hypnobirthing

Instagram Accounts

• @painfreebirth
• @christianhypnobirthing
• @builttobirth
• @bodyreadymethod

You can also visit our Resources page for more.

Preparing for Labor Is Preparing for Transformation

Remember, there is no one right way to birth. There is no perfect formula. What matters is that you’re informed, supported, and empowered to make decisions that feel right for you and your family.

Learning how to prepare for labor isn’t just about the physical aspects. It’s also about preparing your mind and heart for one of the most transformative experiences of your life. When you approach birth with knowledge, support, and confidence in your body’s ability, you set yourself up not just to get through labor, but to truly participate in bringing your baby into the world.

You’ve got this, mama. Your body was made for this, and with the right preparation, you can trust in that incredible design.